Imagine if some toxic guy you dumped decided to slut-shame you on a billboard in your city, which 30,000 people drive by on their way to work.
And there’s nothing you can do to get it taken down. When you complain about it, people say you must have done something to deserve it. That is how it feels for thousands of men who get posted in these groups with no way to defend themselves.
It makes you want to crawl into a hole and die of humiliation.
Are We Dating the Same Guy groups have grown to include the majority of dating women in most major cities. Ostensibly created to catch cheaters and avoid abusers, they are also sometimes used to belittle, lie about, and punish men who have no way to defend themselves or show proof of their innocence.
The following comments were posted under the man’s name and photo. With 100k AWDTSG members in his city, it’s almost certain that some of his coworkers and neighbors read that he “has problems in the bedroom” and “a small penis” and “some fetishes as well”. Yet the man was no danger. He didn’t cheat on or abuse anyone. Is this keeping anyone “safe”?
When I found out I was posted, what was said, and how many women had seen it, I wanted to crawl into a hole and DIE of humiliation. I never cheated. I never lied. I never abused anyone. I simply broke up with someone who couldn’t take rejection. No other woman said anything about me. Just her. What she said was SO personal, so bad… and almost entirely untrue. Over 40 THOUSAND women had the opportunity to see these things. My neighbors, coworkers, family members… Everyone could see it. This had devastating effects on my mental health, which you can read more about here.
We do not consent.
Women do not have our permission to post our names and photos in front of tens-of-thousands of strangers on the internet. This is putting us in danger! You are being hypocrites! Complete strangers have no business knowing these things about us.
“She did it just to get revenge for breaking up with her. The worst part is it worked. I can’t sleep. I can’t focus at work. All I think about is how many women read her lies and now think I’m the person she described.” ~/r/AWDTSGisToxic/
Women do need to be protected from dangerous men, but two wrongs do not make a right, and most of the posts in these groups have nothing to do with abusers and rapists. Most of them are innocuous, but they’re still creepy. Do you know how icky it feels to find out that a woman you’ve been chatting to has posted your name and picture online, often with commentary about your personality and the date you went on… in front of thousands of strangers on the internet? And that you’re not allowed to see it? Even the least toxic AWDTSG groups are still creepy, unfair, privacy and boundary violating, and unethical. You wouldn’t like if it happened to you so why are you doing it to us?
In today’s news, Florida Woman created and shared a database of men she says are into pegging.
Others soon began commenting, publicly outing and kink-shaming the men in front of thousands with impunity. Why is this being tolerated?
These examples will show how AWDTSG groups, which were meant to “protect women,” are full of toxic and abusive behavior.
This is hurting the lives of decent men in very real ways. It is harming their mental health and destroying their chances to find lasting love and life partners. These posts stay up forever. Males make up 50% of the population and 80% of suicide deaths. We are not ok, and this isn’t helping.
“I’d rather she just post actual revenge porn. It may be without my consent, but at least it would be something I really did.” ~/r/AWDTSGisToxic/
What we want:
How does the conversation below “protect women”? How is this person “a danger”? Yet he is publicly shamed, and possibly outed to his family, without his knowledge, consent or participation. Can you imagine what this person felt when he found out?
Believe it or not, not all women are telling the truth about the men they post. At best, it’s a highly-biased story that makes the posters look like innocent victims and men look ten times worse than they are in reality. Every story has two sides. By banning one side from being told, AWDTSG groups have emboldened bad actors who use it as a weapon against men who have rejected them. Maybe we can compromise.
“I am done with dating apps. That era is over for me, and many other guys. If I don’t meet someone IRL I guess I’ll just be alone, but at least I won’t be living in fear.” ~/r/AWDTSGisToxic/
Leave dating apps
Until they disable screenshots or AWDTSG groups are removed from Facebook.
“I’ve become more depressed, anxious, a weirder version of myself. I don’t feel safe, I don’t trust people, and I don’t sleep that well. I believe that my exes goal was to limit the future partners I might have under the guise of solidarity and protecting women, with the true intent being to simply make my life smaller and lonelier, which it has.” ~/r/AWDTSGisToxic/
Please leave AWDTSG groups
Even if you don’t post, but are just there “for entertainment,” or to see if anyone you know gets posted, you are contributing to the problem. You are the audience.
“If you gain access to these groups, I’m begging you, don’t read the comments. Periodically check to see if anyone has slandered you, and that’s it. You’ll read some of the most unbelievably judgmental and ugly things said about men that probably don’t even deserve it.” ~/r/AWDTSGisToxic/
All men are garbage. That’s the lesson women are drilling into their minds in the same way an incel starts out in men’s rights group and ends up in hate-groups. It is the same dynamic that has made AWDTSG groups turn toxic and abusive. AWDTSG groups are destroying everyone’s prospects of finding love and companionship. It is poisoning women’s minds and ruining good men’s lives. They are normalizing creepy behavior and violations of privacy. This will not make women safer.
End AWDTSG 